Tanonoka Joseph Whande
Monday 09 June 2014
We cannot start laughing just because the circus convoy is streaming into town.
We have to wait for the delivery of the fun and the jokes; because jokes tickle us but we cannot laugh before they are delivered.
Hold your laughter, then!
Although the circus is still setting up tent, I cannot resist talking, not about the forthcoming show but about why the circus is being staged in front of animal rights activists.
The contradictions are fascinating.
Our nation is at the crossroads where it has been for years. We have problems.
Our Zimbabwe is ‘pretty bad’ – the oxymoron of politics, if you will.
While Robert Mugabe and Jonathan Moyo have been like peas in a pod, they are also oxymoronic fools who cannot rid each of the other.
Do not even bother to try to help; they do not deserve our attention.
Those who dare will find themselves marooned – that is if Mugabe outlives Jonathan Moyo and he is well determined to do just that.
For decades, Mugabe has been burying octogenarians younger and older than himself.
Our Lord is funny; very funny. When our kids die, we console ourselves by saying that the good die young. And we actually believe that.
But when those who murder our kids do not die, we are at a loss as to who we should applaud or complain to.
Yes, our Lord is funny.
We have always believed that the captain of the ship has always been expected to be the last one to leave the sinking ship.
I do not think Mugabe ever got on the ship. After all, several tragedies in recent years have proved to us that he has been the saboteur and not the savior just like our pilots and sea captains have been the ones to abandon ship before their passengers did…because, like Mugabe, they have advance information that fools on board do not have.
You see, the captain of the ship knows when Armageddon has arrived and he gets a head start on all of us.
Mugabe is not a fool. It is his circus coming into town to please but he knows when the lions, tigers and snakes will escape.
Only at funerals, do we gather to cry and shed tears. Where else do we do the same?
Zimbabweans always gather, sing and dance at funerals.
Zimbabweans laugh, sing and cry at funerals. As we mourn, we celebrate not the death but the life of the one departed.
The circus is streaming into town. Let us hold our laughter until the jokes start raining.
The performers are tired, hungry and angry.
We are faced with an oxymoronic couple here: Robert Mugabe and Jonathan Moyo.
Is it not interesting that ‘Monday Morning Quarterbacks’, like Jonathan Moyo, sprinted over the long-time ZANU-PF coaches?
Oh, yes, he did! And the owner of the club knew and often times applauded.
Jonathan Moyo scored goals for Mugabe.
The people of Zimbabwe, being the opposing team, were left shell-shocked.
When ZANU-PF was relegated, Jonathan Moyo was not on the coaching bench because he was fighting for his own survival when the players did not want him anymore.
“What shall I do, then, with the one you call the king of the media?”
“Crucify him!” voters in Tsholotsho said and Moyo lost his parliamentary seat.
But, to the amazement of the people, Mugabe jumped in and saved him.
Mugabe fished Jonathan Moyo out of the dungeons of defeat and, once again, made him a cabinet minister responsible for the same ministry that castrated the media on behalf of Mugabe.
I have no sympathy for Jonathan Moyo; none at all. And he knows why.
He is such an effective weapon for Mugabe that ZANU-PF has no one better than him. Rugare Gumbo is under the wraps and afraid to say things that might send him back into the wilderness where he languished for decades after independence.
Gumbo is part of that brave group of rebels who did not want Mugabe to lead the party in Mozambique. Thanks to the overrated Samora Machel, our history was diverted.
Two weeks ago, Alfred Mhanda (Dzinashe Machingura) died in distress because Robert Mugabe ensured that he would never get employed by anyone in Zimbabwe.
Mhanda stood firm on his opposition to Mugabe until he died. That is principle.
Principles are important but not to the likes of Jonathan Moyo and Rugare Gumbo.
Gumbo should have learned a lot from Mhanda’s death. After all, he was the only one from ZANU-PF who attended Mhanda’s burial while those who had nothing to do with ZANU’s formation, like Robert Mugabe, were not in attendance.
Shamuyarira, a political prostitute who jumped from one party to another, even forming his own FROLIZI party in the face of ZANU, was declared a national hero.
What did Nathan Shamuyarira do to warrant his hero status? All Shamuyarira did was offer Mugabe an opportunity to spout filth and insult people. What does this shrine mean and to who? Apart from being ZANU-PF, it is also a tribal place of rest.
The heart of the matter is that Jonathan Moyo deserves no sympathy at all. He prostituted himself on both sides of the political divide and got nowhere.
He abused the citizens and instigated the adoption of repressive laws that the nation continues to suffer under.
He messed up the media and narrowed the area of operation for journalists.
I see no positive contribution by Jonathan Moyo except for causing misery.
He fell, rose and fell again only getting up with help from a political sympathizer who has, once again, verbally attacked him.
He stands untrusted nationwide and those who hoped to benefit from his bare-knuckle approach to politics find themselves in a quandary. Poor Emerson Mnangagwa.
We used to cheer as Jonathan Moyo espoused the anger from within ourselves but we soon found out that he has misplaced ambitions and it is that which kills him.
Yes, he might rise again but if he does, Zimbabwe will only have itself to blame.
The rubbish that Mugabe spouted about Nathan Shamuyarira should be discounted because there is no one who has ever assisted the growth and independence of the media in Zimbabwe. Being praised by Mugabe is an indication that Shamuyarira was on the wrong side. Unfortunately for Jonathan Moyo, being denounced by Mugabe was an indication of how much of a destabilising individual Jonathan Moyo is.
Moyo can sing all he wants but he will find little sympathy among us. He enjoyed being used and got carried away by being used.
Because of Moyo, people like Cesar Zvayi are actually believed to be MDC sympathisers. How ungrateful the old goat is. Zvayi went through hell on behalf of ZANU-PF.
Mugabe is off his rocker just like Jonathan Moyo.
I shed no tears over Moyo because his demise is good for the media in Zimbabwe.
It is my hope that Moyo has reached his political apex and is going downhill never to climb back up again because he has done a lot of disservice to Zimbabwe.
It is unfortunate that Mugabe lied about Shamuyarira but told the truth about Jonathan Moyo…a truth that we all knew.
Maybe Jonathan Moyo should have fired Mugabe a long time ago; now he has been beaten to it and I bet Mnangagwa is crying his eye-balls red.
Robert Mugabe and Jonathan Moyo are clowns in the circus and the jokes are not funny.
I am Tanonoka Joseph Whande and that, my fellow Zimbabweans, is the way it is today, Monday, June 9th, 2014.
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